Golf Quotes Funny

Golf Quotes Funny Definition

Source(google.com.pk)
“Getting fed up with your shitty golf game…takes a couple weeks off, and then quit for good.”
-Local Golf Pro
“Golf is like a hot 17-year-old girl with big boobs. You know its trouble, but you just can’t keep away from her.”
-Avid golfer and statutory rapist
“Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.”
-P.J. O’Rourke
“If you’re caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.”
-Lee Trevino
“After all these years, it’s still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.”
-Chi Chi Rodriguez, on his Puerto Rican accent
“Golf isn’t like other sports where you can take a player out if he’s having a bad day. You have to play the whole game.” -
Phil Blackmar
“Golf is not a game, its bondage. It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins.”
Jim Murray
“One minute you’re bleeding. The next minute you’re hemorrhaging. The next minute you’re painting the Mona Lisa.”
-Mac O’Grady, describing a typical round of golf
“Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.”
-Ben Hogan
“Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.”
-Unknown Golfing Poet
“My body is here, but my mind has already teed off.”
-Anxious Working Man
“If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle.”
-Every Golfer I Know
“The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.”
-Confucius
“It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don’t get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs and stare at the cart girl’s tits all day if you are performing brain surgery.”
-Jealous Doctor
“Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white. They’re sold by the dozen. And you need to buy fresh ones each week.”
-Some Guy
The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree.
~ Brian Weis
Swing hard in case you hit it.
~ Dan Marino
My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.
~ Lord Robertson
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
~ Jack Benny
There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground.
~ Ben Hogan
Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best
~ Jack Nicklaus
The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law.
~ H G Wells
I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course.
~ Billy Graham
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
~ Bob Hope
While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
~ Henny Youngman
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
~ Jack Lemmon
You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.
~ Lee Trevino
I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.
~ Lee Trevino